Green Mountain Stage Race

Subtitle: Best Race In the WorldRace reports are boring, that's understood. What follows, however, is a race report so with a bit of luck and just an ounce of creative wit, I'll keep your attention long enough to make it all the way to the end of this, oooh perhaps third ever iamtedking race report.I arrived Thursday night at the West Hill House Bed and Breakfast, which is situated in quaint Warren, Vermont.Actually my arrival to the BnB was preceded by two laps of Friday's time trial course, which embarks about two miles directly downhill of this fine West Hill establishment. Taking in Vermont in the late summer is truly one of my favorite activities in all of life. (Well, that and landing airplanes.) This is in large part due to me having gone to school about ten miles as the crow flies from where the GMSR takes place, on the other side of the bucolic Green Mountain Range. But central Vermont is central Vermont regardless of what side of the mountains you're on, so seeing the rolling hills disappear into the hazy Green Mountains, all the while spattered with the great American farms that lend character to this land is nearly enough to bring a tear to my eye. But I'm a man and real men don't cry, so I just pre-rode the course rather than getting too sentimental.After scouting the course and saying hello to a few of New England's best up and comers also doing some course recon, I met our kindly hosts, Susan and Peter, and was given the tour of the grounds. Susan calls it the "five-cent tour" because it's worth about a nickel of her time to show me the two minute tour.As the sun began to set my roommate for the weekend in the Stetson Suite, Tim Johnson, peeled into our dirt road and we were off to registration and dinner. I will (and have on plenty of occasions) readily admit that I'm spoiled in my line of work. Yes, I've paid my share of dues over the years, but I'm now at the point where registration is something that nary crosses my mind. So this brought back fond memories of the first few hilarious paragraphs of this and then me zipping through registration with smiles all around. Next stop, din-din and a pleasant night of sleep.Okay let's fast forward through the boring parts of the subsequent 24 hours (i.e. the race itself - afterall it was merely a TT so race dynamics and team tactics didn't exactly come into play). Suffice it to say I went fast when I had to go fast - namely the entire 5.7miles/9.17km of the course - and won the race by putting out sufficient average wattage to power four-and-one-third 100w bulbs for approximately thirteen minutes and twenty-two seconds. Results. There are plenty of fast dudes here - TJ, J-Pow, Driscoll, Billy Dugan, Villeaux (who missed his start by only seven minutes), Reid Mumford PhD, Spinner, my broffa, the Keough family, and Canadian national champ Will Routley to name just a few - so I am pleased to come out the victor.The latter part of a BnB is of course the most important meal of the day, breakfast. Today Susan and Peter spoiled us with piping hot oatmeal complimented nicely with raisins, craisins, pecans, and of course Vermont maple syrup. A dollop of yogurt topped all of this, and then with a rigorous 72 miles of racing ahead of us, all three cyclists present (Brian is another guest here) requested waffles as well. I abstemiously asked for a banana topping while Tim went hog wild (hardy har har) and made a bacon sandwich. The elusive waffle and bacon action shot. Thanks Tim.Man oh man, my fingers are getting tired and I actually have to get ready for stage two in a few minutes. So here are two final photos for your continued entertainment. The first is me, despite what my shirt says, with our fine hosts Susan and Peter. Please note Peter's amazing apron. He IS Scottish after all. Also please note how extraterrestrially long my left arm is.

Next, here are the jersey I'm not allowed to wear today alongside the jersey I must wear in today's stage two. Lest we forget UCI code 2.1.009 that prevents me from donning a trade team kit in non UCI sanctioned events. Thanks Castelli for making such a cool kit!

Soooooo, did you make it to the finish of the blog? Read all the way through? If yes, much like climbing an epically tall mountain and scrawling your name in the dirt or carving your initials into a tree, please leave a comment with your initials or an epithet to indicate your impressive reading feat.