TUSB comes of age

Never content, Goldilocks was ultimately mauled by bears.

While Voltaire could have taught Ms. ‘locks the same lesson with the sage line, Perfect is the enemy of good, no one seems to find it the least bit odd that an unaccompanied minor was galavanting about the woods before reaching her final destination into the home of a family of bears. Moreover, a furnished home where the bears dined on oatmeal.

Hopefully no cyclists have bore witness to the same fate in order to absorb this message. Regardless of the situation, however, cyclists just like poor permanently disfigured Goldilocks will find a reason to complain.

It’s too hot in Argentina.

It’s stifling in Australia!

The stage is boring.

That climb is way too long!

Brrr! It’s frigging snowing and I can’t ride. La bella vita my eye! This is la tundra vita.

This hotel’s WiFi is glacially slow.

I’ve watched all of the movies on my hard drive, boo hoo hoo!

If you’ve read anything on this website over the past month, you’ll notice that I’m picking on myself as much as anyone. But I’m far from the only one to complain. Like a whole bunch of prima donnas (or the Italian prime donne), we are quick to point out the flaws around us rather than absorbing what’s good.

And why do you suppose that is? Simply because everything is relative and we are accustomed to things being pretty darn nice. Why is the internet slow? Because we have fast WiFi at home. Don’t fret, Facebook will still be there when you get back to civilization. A bit chilly on your ride today? Sop up those tears my friend, and throw on an extra base layer and an iamnottedking neckgaiter and you’ll be perfectly fine next time around. Hotel food is boiled chicken and extra boiled pasta? Again?! Seriously, did you expect anything else. It’s a bike race. Deal. The hail was piercingly ferocious? Umm, okay well that one I can’t help you out on, Ted. That just sounds painful.

In reality the life of a cyclist ain’t all that bad. We have our gripes and bouts of bellyaching, we often complain about being hungry, tired, or bored, but that’s because we are accustomed to a relatively pampered living. When the biggest decision of the day is where to indulge on a mid-ride cappuccino, and your afternoon is capped off with an hour massage, I must admit that we have it pretty good.

…even if that means I couldn’t feel my toes for the final 90 minutes of my 5 hour training ride and in the shower afterwards tears of pain spewed down my face. Again, dry those tears friend. It’s not so bad.


  1. Becky B

    It wouldn’t be any fun if there was nothing to complain about. Put on some wool socks and get a hot water bottle!

  2. daddyo

    it’s mind over matter. if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.

  3. Martin

    And that’s the kind of thinking and honesty that keeps Ted real… I’m thinking there is a little something for all of us to ponder in this passage…

  4. Haters

    Suck it up NANCY!

  5. daddyo

    i took this admonishment to heart and went to ride in the snow here in colorado springs. i suffered according though not to the magnitude described. indeed, i was honored to be chastised by the world’s most literate cyclist.

    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day

  6. Steve Fortier

    GREAT post, Ted. Thanks. I wish my fellow masters racers in New England had your perspective on the sport. Rock on!

  7. Irv

    Dude, stop tormenting us with the unavailable neck gaiters. Yes, some of us will buy them, maybe in multiples, but for commerce to ensue, there must be both supply along with demand. Nice article, but what the heck is TUSB? Must be more of you young kids and your darn street/text slang.

    • iamtedking

      That’s where you need to follow those inconspicuous hyperlinks Irv. TUSB is Toughen Up Sissy Boy which I invented circa 2007. Shut Up Legs and HTFU came about after me, so I pretty much started the trend. You’re very welcome Jens and whoever created HTFU.

  8. josh

    May I complain about being in China where I have no bike and would breath better sucking on a tailpipe than taking in smog-filled air?

  9. jason

    Great post, Ted. And this is why I like to read Jens too http://bicycling.com/blogs/hardlyserious/2012/02/10/how-i-survive-winter-and-keep-training/


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