Green Mountain Stage Race

Subtitle: Best Race In the World

Race reports are boring, that’s understood. What follows, however, is a race report so with a bit of luck and just an ounce of creative wit, I’ll keep your attention long enough to make it all the way to the end of this, oooh perhaps third ever iamtedking race report.

I arrived Thursday night at the West Hill House Bed and Breakfast, which is situated in quaint Warren, Vermont.

Look closely at the welcoming "laundry" hanging from the front porch.

Actually my arrival to the BnB was preceded by two laps of Friday’s time trial course, which embarks about two miles directly downhill of this fine West Hill establishment. Taking in Vermont in the late summer is truly one of my favorite activities in all of life. (Well, that and landing airplanes.) This is in large part due to me having gone to school about ten miles as the crow flies from where the GMSR takes place, on the other side of the bucolic Green Mountain Range. But central Vermont is central Vermont regardless of what side of the mountains you’re on, so seeing the rolling hills disappear into the hazy Green Mountains, all the while spattered with the great American farms that lend character to this land is nearly enough to bring a tear to my eye. But I’m a man and real men don’t cry, so I just pre-rode the course rather than getting too sentimental.

After scouting the course and saying hello to a few of New England’s best up and comers also doing some course recon, I met our kindly hosts, Susan and Peter, and was given the tour of the grounds. Susan calls it the “five-cent tour” because it’s worth about a nickel of her time to show me the two minute tour.

As the sun began to set my roommate for the weekend in the Stetson Suite, Tim Johnson, peeled into our dirt road and we were off to registration and dinner. I will (and have on plenty of occasions) readily admit that I’m spoiled in my line of work. Yes, I’ve paid my share of dues over the years, but I’m now at the point where registration is something that nary crosses my mind. So this brought back fond memories of the first few hilarious paragraphs of this and then me zipping through registration with smiles all around. Next stop, din-din and a pleasant night of sleep.

Okay let’s fast forward through the boring parts of the subsequent 24 hours (i.e. the race itself – afterall it was merely a TT so race dynamics and team tactics didn’t exactly come into play). Suffice it to say I went fast when I had to go fast – namely the entire 5.7miles/9.17km of the course – and won the race by putting out sufficient average wattage to power four-and-one-third 100w bulbs for approximately thirteen minutes and twenty-two seconds. Results. There are plenty of fast dudes here – TJ, J-Pow, Driscoll, Billy Dugan, Villeaux (who missed his start by only seven minutes), Reid Mumford PhD, Spinner, my broffa, the Keough family, and Canadian national champ Will Routley to name just a few – so I am pleased to come out the victor.

The latter part of a BnB is of course the most important meal of the day, breakfast. Today Susan and Peter spoiled us with piping hot oatmeal complimented nicely with raisins, craisins, pecans, and of course Vermont maple syrup. A dollop of yogurt topped all of this, and then with a rigorous 72 miles of racing ahead of us, all three cyclists present (Brian is another guest here) requested waffles as well. I abstemiously asked for a banana topping while Tim went hog wild (hardy har har) and made a bacon sandwich.

The elusive waffle and bacon action shot. Thanks Tim.

Man oh man, my fingers are getting tired and I actually have to get ready for stage two in a few minutes. So here are two final photos for your continued entertainment. The first is me, despite what my shirt says, with our fine hosts Susan and Peter. Please note Peter’s amazing apron. He IS Scottish after all. Also please note how extraterrestrially long my left arm is.

Next, here are the jersey I’m not allowed to wear today alongside the jersey I must wear in today’s stage two. Lest we forget UCI code 2.1.009 that prevents me from donning a trade team kit in non UCI sanctioned events. Thanks Castelli for making such a cool kit!

Soooooo, did you make it to the finish of the blog? Read all the way through? If yes, much like climbing an epically tall mountain and scrawling your name in the dirt or carving your initials into a tree, please leave a comment with your initials or an epithet to indicate your impressive reading feat.


  1. corinne

    Seen a number of blogs lately questioning if people bother reading/can stand “all those words.” It’s what we’re here for!
    Good luck with the rest of the race!

  2. Ashley Hill

    way to go! Though the design of the leader’s jersey leaves much to be desired. Did you go for all black shorts with your *mynameis* jersey or do you have matching shorts. Maybe there’s iamtedkingsleftquad on the left leg and similar on the right?

  3. RSpear

    Nice to be fast bud. Hope you flew in Stage 2.

  4. Cody Sovis

    Great entry to the blog. You consistently
    A) Write a stirring and entertaining blog
    B) Eat like a King (mmm, wordplay)
    Keep it up man, I check your blog everyday

  5. Elizabeth Furreboe

    If you keep writing I’ll keep reading. Job well done on the TT. Good luck with the remainder of the race. I’ll be waiting to hear how it goes…

  6. Marcia

    Bikereg….ohhhhhhh….makes sense now

  7. Paula

    I liked almost all of the words. Like the “I am Ted King” kit.

  8. chuck quackenbush

    good work! Glad to hear you’re doing well and enjoying the great GMSR. If you’re still having this much fun on your bike in November maybe you’ll join us again at the Bethlehem Cup. Good luck

  9. rpointer

    Woo-hoo! I made it! But seriously, anything penned by the great King is always worth reading through to the end.
    It’s so nice to hear you’re enjoying your time back state-side, and rooming with Mr. Johnson must be a hoot. Congratulations on your ITT win, and have a lovely Labor Day weekend!

  10. Jamie Emerson

    As a Vermont native I was overcome with nostalgia reading this. Steamboat Springs is great and all but dernit I wish I was racing GMSR. Good luck out there!

  11. Laura

    THough I envy you the beautiful scenery and the AWESOME TT win, I most envy your breakfast. That waffle was stunning. ANd those the bacon thing. Yummy

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  13. Jessie

    Go ahead, get sentimental. Have a Cavendish moment on the podium and let it all out.

  14. Tonya

    Those waffles look like they’re straight from heaven.

  15. ED

    was here.

  16. Jennifer Katz

    I made it through… JTKatz

  17. RM

    made it to the end. now why would you wear an iamnottedking shirt?

  18. Nick

    I see you have something in common with Vino. Wearing your own T-shirt! Sweet.

    Enjoyed the write up – Nice job racing too.

  19. Simon

    Bravo on the stage win, mate. Kick some ass in stage two!

    Aaaaand… who wins the awesome-house-design award? We need some arbitration!

  20. Amy

    great job in the TT! we’ll be cheering for you from the top of midd gap tomorrow!

  21. Carl Hofmann

    Fun write-up, Ted. Congratulations on the win! Hope to see you if you land back here in Boulder.

  22. Matt

    You should have stayed at Atwater for the weekend. It would have required more driving, but the nostalgia factor would have been through the roof! Good luck this weekend!

  23. Don from Ventura

    Having the B-fast pics at the end was a grand idea, not sure I would have made it to the end otherwise.
    Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’m starving over here.
    Oh, and I had another “what’s your deal” comment in S.B today. I’m guessing people think I am Ted King.
    …..I need to pick up one of those shirts.

  24. Ruthie

    Dear Ted, i enjoy reading your blog, all the way to the end of each entry.
    and i like especially the fact that i sometimes need to check out words in the dictionary: “abstemiously”? – wow.

    keep up the good work, both on bike and keyboard!

  25. Dave S

    Great blog entry! Hope to see you and your roommate on the podium in Burlington. Best of luck!

  26. Beau

    Well done sir!

  27. Steve Jacques

    I’m willing to bet you actually did shed a tear or two looking over those vast farm lands of VT, I would…I love Vermont.

  28. Beryle M

    Of course the blog was read – all the way to the end! Hoping that you’ll make an appearance again this year at the Dempsey Challenge (Oct 3rd). We’ll have another home-made pie awaiting you if you decide to travel this far north!

  29. Eric

    definitely enjoyed the post, especially the food porn

  30. Prudy

    Love reading your blogs – all of my tennis playing friends are big fans out here on the west!

  31. Jen

    b) Nice racing, Ted King. High five!

  32. Sasha

    After some intensive interval training today I have just enough energy to hold my laptop in my lap. Hence, the only alternative to going to bed is to cruise twitter and read random posts by cyclists I know nothing about.

    In other words, I made it to the end.


  33. Adam St. Germain

    This is the only blog I have ever bothered to read that the author asks people to comment if they read through, and they obey. Truely a King.

    Though, I almost didn’t make it, what with all those hyperlinks to distract me along the way.

  34. Shannon

    As always Ted, your color commentary is fabulous, and your food pictures appetite inspiring. I have a 90 mile ride tomorrw and I think you helped me to decide on my breakfast. I loveand miss those Green Mountains as well, having lived nestled amongst them for over a decade, the place where my three children were born. So, ride like the wind, and thanks for taking the time out of your day to entertain the masses with your wit.

  35. Brian

    was here, writing on your wall, or blog, or comment section, or whatever you call this part which I was REQUIRED to fill out. Good stuff Sir Edward King!

  36. Tom Fowler

    Hey there Ted — Your writing is a fine example of the Middlebury education at work. Nice write-up. I know the BnB you stayed at; the waffles do rock. Cioa from Tuscany and Joao. He just finished annihilating me on a ride… TF

  37. Peter & Susan

    Ted – was great to have you stay with us. Thanks for the nice photos of West HIll House on your page. All the best for the final day! Peter & Susan

  38. Steve C

    Great race report – have you considered writing for cycling news? Would make their reports a little less bland and more tolerable…

  39. KL

    Initials carved…

  40. Jonathan

    not only did I read all of it (as I always do) but I did so while wearing my iamnottedking shirt.

  41. Derek


  42. GeWilli

    you call that a long post? shooooot… that wasn’t nuttin’

  43. Steve

    Where is the picture of the banana?

  44. steve & jenny

    you forgot the banana on the silver platter pic!

    Steve and Jenny

  45. Nathan B.

    Where can I get a “I am ‘not’ Ted King” jersey? Please tell.

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