Babies are Like Totally Chick Magnets

The benefits of being one of my best friends are virtually endless. Highlights include:

  • General awesomeness by association.
  • Frequent high fives allotted out by yours truly.
  • Sampling some of the finest foods you’ve ever eaten, generally homemade but I enjoy fine dinner establishments as well.
  • Aaaaaaannnd of course, the possibility to be mentioned in my blog, which brings me to today’s subject matter…

Look, I’m an pretty cool guy. I’m a bachelor, I’m a professional athlete living the dream, and if you read my ABOUT section, you’ll see that I enjoy putting out the vibe. I’m single so the prospect of children is still a fair ways off (…sorry Mom and Dad. Maybe this blog post will help me start working on that).

What I’m alluding to here is that babies don’t rank high on my order of operations.

That said, when you’re one of my best friends AND you have a baby who is extraordinarily cute, you’re on an elite list of people who receive the royal treatment (which is especially exciting, being that my last name is King). Namely, your baby receives something that no one else in THE ENTIRE WORLD HAS. Now that’s some pretty elite company – or lack thereof.

No lie, I had this bad-boy made up fully custom (umm, the shirt – not the baby)! Yup, one of a kind shirt for the baby in question.


This one says, “Hello world, I’m all kinds of cute!”


This one says, “What’s shakin’ Momma Mia? Check out my sweet new threads! Oh wait, you already have one. Cool cool. I love you mom!”


Aaaand this one says, “Mom, I’ve had enough of these stupid pictures. Oh, P.S. you may want to check my diaper.”


"Shoot Mom, I should have asked you to pull my finger."

And on that note, while not yet a national holiday, January 31st is my birthday. In lieu of going to the trouble of having you send me something to Europe, I sincerely encourage you to vastly increase your street cred while donating to the Krempels Center by purchasing either a t-shirt or stickers, both found here. As a reminder, 50% of shirt profits and 100% of the sticker profits go to Krempels.



  1. Roddy Pattison

    Happy Birthday Ted! If I find some decent (ie not Cocoa Pops) chocolatey cereal, I’ll send you some! Hope you have a great day doing what you love ie cycling.

  2. Lorie

    Puppies…chicks also dig puppies…Now you just need to expand to t-shirts for dogs.

  3. Becky B

    You are so right! But you need to be the one holding the baby! That is some primo XXX mom porn right there! If I weren’t already married with a kid…
    Oh, and I ordered my stuff just for your b-day.

  4. Greg

    Yeah, babies are great conversation starters, but there’s something a little sleazy about getting too friendly with the ladies while you’re holding a little guy. Maybe you should make a shirt for him that says “I am NOT Ted King’s,” so as to steer clear of any misunderstandings.

    A Golden Retriever puppy is the best, though. I’ll never forget the sound of high heels running toward me across a marble floor when I carried mine into a bank lobby all those years ago…

  5. Ryan

    Ted, first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Secondly, I have a baby boy(Ryder) coming in about a week. Since I already have a shirt, what are the chances of me getting on for my lil’ guy?

    Keep training hard and good luck this season!


    • iamtedking

      I’m going to go with slim to none. Sorry Ryan. You can steal the icon/image and make your own shirt, but I’ll sue you to high heaven. Or you can pay me the amount I would sue you for and I will have another shirt made up special for li’l Ryder, that way it’s two-of-a-kind.

      Just kidding… except for that first sentence.

  6. Carl Hofmann

    Happy birthday, Ted, from the land of the gator itself, where I’m celebrating Rupali’s birthday with our boys. Blessings in this new year!


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