Well that’s sad. When I added a new lesson to the previous post, I lost all my comments. I had an all-time high with 18 comments overnight – all of them in support of my style points. Feel free to comment. A lot.
I am appointing myself the King of Style for the time being. I have a handful of credentials to back this up – the first of which being that my last name is King. Additionally, I have a keen eye for all things stylish; with that comes the discerning ability to notice as what is glaringly unstylish. I’ve ridden bikes for a handful of years, which furthers my street cred. Moreover, I have a degree in economics.
I will also preface this little diatribe by emphatically stating that this is MY blog. See that part up at the top that says “Ted King.” Yup, well I am him (or “I am HE,” to be grammatically correct). As a result, if you support me, then proudly say so and your comments will be published for all the world to see. If, however, your opinion is against what I have to say below, then frankly I don’t really care to hear your feedback. Unfair? Yeah, probably is, this is called a blog and I am dictator of this blog. Don’t like it? Start you own. (They’re free – Google “free blog” and you’ll probably find a billion responses).
When you’re riding your bike, your helmet belongs on your head. Buckled to your handlebars? Umm, nope. Actually, there shouldn’t be a “Umm” involved in that previous answer. This is an emphatic NO. I saw a guy descending on his mountain bike two days ago with his helmet safely secured to his handlebars. I couldn’t read his jersey’s team name as he wizzed by, but I think it said, “Team Moron.”
Ancillary to that is that your helmet shouldn’t be put on your head and left unbuckled. Stylishly, you just look like an idiot with the straps flapping in the wind.
You’re a track cyclists or a triathlete? That’s outstanding and I encourage you to keep sporting those short socks. For any other circumstance, however, nothing less than medium-to-tall socks will do. Short socks is one of the biggest ways to lose integrity as an aspiring cool cyclist, so take note.
As self proclaimed dictator of this blog, I can say whatever I want. More importantly, I can do whatever I want. The most quintessential example of this is today’s choice of attire. There was a bit of a chill whilst out on today’s ride, so various warmers and covers were necessary… most notably, white leg warmers with white shoe covers. White (helmet) on white (glasses) on white (jersey) on white (bibs) on white (leg warmers) on white (shoe covers), baby!
If you can’t handle THIS heat, then get out of the kitchen.
That’s how I roll.
Here’s a little side note before I amend a 4th lesson of style:
I love, LOVE, the fact that someone has googled “bowlcut” and somehow ended up on iamtedking.com. (As I’ve pointed out a handful of times in the past, I can see the search terms people use to land themselves on my blog. Bowlcut is a new high.) I trust it has to do with yesterday’s Tweet that read, “I don’t mean to judge, but Balloon-Boy’s dad has a bowl cut. I’m not calling him a liar, but it is nearly 2010.”
Wear whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Being independent and pretending to not care about style is as instrumental to being a style whore as exclusively using white handlebar tape. That being said, not waving to other cyclists is not just plain rude, but you leave the other guy (or gal) hanging and as a result, you leave him looking like a friendless turd for initiating a wave and not receiving requisite reciprocity.
Now THIS guy has style.
Look, we’re all in this big bike game together. You ride a bike. I ride a bike. The next guy (ahem, or gal) reading this rides a bike. So there’s no reason to avoid the obligatory wave – or at the very least offer up a head nod. I fear that our egos have gotten the better of us so that we simply C.B.F.’ed to lift a hand for the universal “Hello.” Moreover, aren’t cyclists such weenies about diet and losing weight and counting calories and all that crap, that lifting your hand serves as some sort of extra exertion, and therefore will burn more calories? Dare I say yes. Ride in a really cycling-popular area, be sure to use both hand to wave, and you’ll be 5lb lighter in no time!
Did I ride my bike the other day and not get waved at? Obviously yes.
Okay, here is yet another amendment. But once again I will add an aside beforehand: to the person who Google searched “awesomeness bad ass mother f*@$er Ted King” …well done. You arrived at www.iamtedking.missingsaddle.com and you’re happy to be there.
With some exceptions* skidding is stylish. Pull this off casually and with minimal wear to the tire by “unweighting” the wheel you are skidding and you’ll be the envy of your bike-dork-club. Front wheel skids are the epitome of style, but are extraordinarily dangerous. I emphatically DO NOT recommend trying front wheel skids until you can classify yourself as a S-M-F… or Skid Master Flash.
* Exceptions to this rule include:
-if you have not followed rules 1-4. If you fail any of these style rules, then pulling a skid will result in you looking like a Fred.
-you can RARELY get away with skidding in races. For safety sake, I recommend avoiding race-situation skids.
-skidding that results in someone getting hurt is not cool at all. They say chicks dig scars. They don’t dig blood oozing from your body though.